HW#57

When I think of prom I think of a “traditional” rite of passage that has become largely accepted by the American society as a normal stepping stone in the road of changing from a teenager to an adult. This idea of a night where teenagers do things that are considered “adult” such as drugs, liquor, sex, and no curfews. During class today I mentioned my question about why or how prom has become such an important part of our society and how changes in the beliefs of adulthood has affected the view of prom and what it entails. The reason why this idea is important to me is because I feel that discovering the origins of any widely accepted practice such as prom, is vital in understanding how other practices have become so popular and how it affects the community of adults and young adults alike that participate in it. In class we also mentioned how fairytales such as Cinderella play a role in prom; to me, this variation of fantasy that mixes reality with magical aspects of fairytales, is the foundation of prom and the main reason why children are raised on this cartoony view of adulthood.  I also find it very interesting that all of these grown-up activities that go on during prom and after prom have been packed into one night where there are basically no rules. In my opinion I find it very contradictory that a night that serves as a rite of passage into adulthood would be used as an excuse to act in the opposite manner.  Personally I don’t disagree with it because it offers a look at the freedom that each teenager (including myself) feels that he/she does not receive. The most logical solution to this contradiction would be view prom as more of a test drive instead if a purchase, meaning that it should be viewed as a night where things are tried instead of a doorway into a new world with no return.

HW#55

As hard as it was for me to do this project, I felt that getting through with this process now, will help me and my family in the future. The most important thing in my life is my family, and thinking about the death of a member is something that causes grief even when it isn’t necessary. The most difficult thing of all is accepting that this person has passed away as well as moving on from this stage in life. I was surprised how open my parents were to talking about such a sensitive topic (for me) and they were actually very thorough and helpful in telling me their plans and how they would like to be treated. During this process we began to talk about options and who should make decisions for whom in case of any emergencies. As we moved through the 5 wishes booklet, I learned many more things about my parents and how religion factors into their lives than I would have normally; by normally I mean if I had never taken this class or bothered to ask them what they want before they die. Sitting with my parents and talking about such a sensitive topic is difficult because they are the people who have provided for me since birth. Because of this I have formed a theory that maybe children are supposed to “shepherd” their parents through this process in the same way they shepherd me into this world. The question I am left with is if I really want to help my parents through this process when the time comes as well as I can. Obviously my answer is yes, so why do some people get so caught up in certain practices that they seem to forget what their actual goal is? How can we change this process so that the normal is to simply care for our dead in the way that they cared for us when we were young? Below I have attached two photos of the 5 wishes booklet with some of my mother’s information filled out.

*        For safety purposes, some  information has been whited-out

Extra Credit 1,2,3

xc - COTD1

Time at the cemetery

Every time I go past a cemetery, I fear the worst. I only think thoughts of sadness and pain because of the idea that I have formed of cemeteries throughout my life. I realized that I have made cemeteries the enemy because of the thought that one day, that cemetery will “take” my parents and myself. With this trip, I learned a lot about how I deal with grief as well as how quiet and peaceful cemeteries really are. Walking through the cemetery I was compelled by the organization and the cleanliness within this sanctuary. From the cemeteries that I have seen or have lived by, I notice now that each one pays homage to nature through its captivating landscapes, winding roads, and sculptures. This connection between death and nature is rarely ever heard of in this setting. As a matter of fact this is the first time I think about how cemeteries look and the significance behind it. Each movie or book that I have seen or read, has attempted to push the thought that funerals and cemeteries are bad because of the damage it causes to the decomposing body as well as the environmental hazards it poses. Interestingly enough, cemeteries have many appealing aspects that I was blind to because of the idea that I have formed of them. In many ways, the point of a cemetery is to make the family feel comfortable with death through the care of the deceased. This experience made me feel as if visiting a cemetery to see a loved one is no different than visiting a park either alone or with a loved one, both places share (or at least used to share) the philosophy of a secluded place that is within nature to let go of stress. Because of these reasons I am confused once again on what I want to be done when I have passed away.
Sadly i was not able to take photographs because the cemetary did not allow it. The cemetery i visited was the Union Fields Cemetery. This cemetery is a orthodox jewish cemetery for those who are part of the jewish religion or are of jewish descent. Im not sure if taking photographs is against the rules in this religion or if i just ran into the wrong employee on the wrong day.

xc - COTD2

Harold and Maude

This movie views death through a very comedic lens. The way death is portrayed through this movie is in a serious way but it doesn’t take itself too seriously like most books or movies, which allows it to make fun of itself in some ways. I felt that the character dynamics were great and each actor’s motive or goal was very obvious because of the ways each character interacted with his/her environment and the people around them. Each character showed different sides of the death care industry and a few changed in important ways. For me, Harold represents the side of the death care industry where people are very open to death and slightly fascinated by it but still show humbleness towards it because they know they are not immortal. Although Harold represents this for me, he is an extreme that captures the many different emotions of these people. Harold’s mother is more like the group that is indifferent towards that whole process and would rather do everything traditionally. At one point in the movie his mother states how she has grown to ignore Harold’s acts of theatricality such as repeatedly faking his own death. When I first heard this I thought it was very important because it may signify the general public’s feelings toward the business of death. Over time I think we have all learned to ignore how exaggerated some of our customs are because we find them normal or unimportant we dismiss them much like Harold’s mother ignores her son. Although the mother seemingly plays the role of the “in-between”, she brings up a lot of other interesting thoughts through her own idealism and place of within the dominant social discourses of this time period. Maude is the bright side of the death care industry, where the people who have found peace within their knowledge of their options for death reside. The main message in Maude’s personality is the same as the creed she follows, When Harold asks Maude why she acts certain ways and does certain things, she explains to him that she is acting as a general reminder to people that they may not be there tomorrow so they shouldn’t get attached to things. This belief is often shared by professionals in the death care industry who work in ways that are directed toward the families and the well-being of loved ones who have recently lost. I may be incorrect about what each of these characters represent, but I know that each of the ideas that come forth from this movie are worth taking a look at no matter what character brings it up.

xc - COTD3
Bodies Exhibit

1 or 2 years ago I visited the Bodies exhibit with my grandmother. I remember this experience very well because it had a large effect on me and I find it really interesting how I was not aware that this exhibit was made from preserved human bodies. Now that I am aware of this crucial piece of information, I see the exhibit in a new, more gruesome light that makes me wonder if donating your body to science is really a smart idea if people are being exposed in this way for tons of people to see. I understand the educational value as well as the “coolness factor” of seeing the inside of real human bodies, but I feel like it isn’t very different from the victims of war who are displayed to teach a lesson to others. I know it’s a bit of a far-fetched comparison but each one does the same thing, just for different reasons. When I first entered the exhibit I remember thinking how boring it would be because I was going to be learning, shortly after I found myself emerged in this incredible world that is inside my body! I remember being so psyched about what I learned that I made my grandmother buy me a life-size model of a human skull with hinged jaws. Seeing something like this exhibit is extraordinary because it gives you a sense of reality and it shows what complicated creatures we are. The only negative aspect of this exhibit is what I mentioned before, and I believe that the educational value of this exhibit would not decrease if the models were replicas of the human body and not actual bodies.

HW#53

Précis 1: Hospice vs. Hospital

Directed toward the much needed change medical practice, this article attempts to capture the importance of how the system works now and how it should work. It does this through the use of data and statistics that demonstrate how patients most commonly choose the type of care that they feel benefits them the most; the patients are also informed of their options for when they pass away.

 Précis 2: Daily Life in the Business of Death

“Raised by the Dead” has rewarded Mr. Palmer in a very personal way. “This project has given me the chance to have more in-depth conversations with my dad and grandpa about what they do,” he said. “It has definitely brought us closer together. My dad is very proud of his business and what he does, so he enjoys being able to share that with other people.”

After declining to join the undertaking business at Palmer & Sons, Scott Palmer went on to create his project named “raising the dead”. In this project he jumps into the world of his father and brothers career. He often describes throughout the article that while it is a normal topic for him, “it is a very foreign and uncomfortable subject matter for most people.”

Précis 3: A Doctor at the Funeral

This article expresses the emotional state of doctors who lose their patients in the field even if it is not their fault. It often stresses the fact that it is a natural part of medicine and therefore is unavoidable for people in that profession but even so, every doctor has an encounter with this grisly part of healthcare.

The majority of these articles (2&3) place emphasis on the view of death in the healthcare profession based on doctors and morticians opinions. The main reason for these P.O.V.s, I believe, is because they provide more insight from the actual people who undertake these processes, opposed to someone who is uneducated in the matter.

 

*Disclaimer* this interview is not my own because my town mortician was “not comfortable” with explaining his job for a course that he feels criticizes his line of work. However, I chose this interview from a website that contains pieces of scripts from a wide range of topics. I felt it fitting because it somewhat connects to the drama class while revealing some topics that are very important to me from this course.

Q: How did you become interested in this line of work?

A: I was born into. My father had a funeral home and granddad started it all.

Q: What sort of training do undertakers generally undergo?

A: It varies from place to place. In my case, I learned the basics by observing dad. Also, I've always been interested in biology. Some aspects of this job could be called 'scientific', but the most important thing we do is to comfort the living. They are the ones needing help: the dead are in God's hands.

Q: What do you enjoy most and least about this line of work?

A: There's a modicum of job security and steady supply of customers. Like least? You've got to be good at dealing with all sorts of people. Particularly in small towns, you haven't got much privacy. Also, you have to confront prejudice. Most people dislike what they don't understand and have warped ideas about morticians. Necrophiliacs or unduly morbid folks are rare in this profession. And conscientious morticians aren't swindlers either.

Q: Doesn't your work ever get to you?

A: I try to keep my work life and private lives separate. However, I can't help but feel a sense of waste with suicides - it's sad to realize how many don't value their own lives.

Q: How much does a typical funeral cost?

A: Think of it this way: a funeral should cost about as much as a wedding. It is similar to a wedding in some respects. Most people expect a funeral to cost a month's earnings or so. Often, however, when all things are factored in it comes closer to what most people earn in year. When I was younger I used to believe this was a huge waste of money. However, if it helps others honor folks dear to them, who can say whether that's a waste?

Q: How's the funeral business changing?

A: Several trends stand out. Cremation is becoming more widespread in many parts of the world. Also, large multinational funeral services are edging out smaller companies. Death is a profitable business and some large funeral services are now listed on stock exchanges. Finally, a backlash against this is emerging through the development of do-it-yourself funeral movements. That's good for the average consumer, but not for me.

Q: What advice do you have for persons looking for a funeral service?

A: First of all, it's good to do the groundwork in advance since we never really know when death will approach. Communicate your preferences to others. Get your memorial preferences down on paper, legally notarized if possible. Since prices for funeral services vary widely, those concerned about money should shop around.

The most interesting thing about this interview is how blunt it is about a topic that is uncomfortable for most. It also shows a side of morticians that no one really gets a chance to see because of the impression society has been giving people about those who take care of such rough situations. Aside from fleshing out this mortician’s personality throughout the text, the questions such as “Doesn't your work ever get to you?” hints towards the interviewer’s personality and goals for this interview.

HW#52

For the last third of grave matters, as I drew closer to the greenest of all options I began to focus more on the details of the personal effects of that these options have on the family. Backyard Burial (chapter 8) is a very pleasant and succinct throughout its description of burying the body of a family member in one’s own property such a family vacation spot or backyard. The natural cemetery (chapter 9) describes the form of burial in which the body is placed in the most simple and ecofriendly coffin without the use of chemicals, to ensure that the body goes through its natural decomposition cycle without posing a threat to the environment it is placed in.

v  “But her memory is there, my memory for her is there, and that is the last place we saw each other. For me, it's a comfort to have her close by"

v  "The casket is simply a vessel for another vessel that we're done with. There's no reason to get carried away"

Resembling the other books we have read in the “NiW” course I have gained a lot of new insight from grave matters. Although other books we have read affected the way I looked at each topic this book has changed the way I think about the care of the dead exceptionally. After reading this book and actually realizing and accepting that multi-billion dollar industries only want more money(even though we have been talking about that the whole time)I took the initiative to research the topic more and talk with some loved ones to get an idea of how they felt about the care if the dead and their preferences. Although it may sound odd I also spoke to my parents and proposed some ideas that I felt they might like. Despite it being a sour topic we were all relived to know that there was a sort of plan in case of any death occurring in the future.

HW#50

In Grave matters I decided to make an example out of the “American way” of dealing with the process of caring for the dead and expose many different methods through which people can feel their wishes are more fulfilled.  Using real life stories as evidence for my arguments that include the preservation of the dead, prices for funeral care, etc. was the most effective way to portray the feelings of people who have experience with these situation as well as the feelings of professionals in the field. For the first few chapters I focus on the care of the body of Jenny Johnson who is a textbook example of how funeral directors usually take care of bodies and the process parents and family members alike must go through to have a “normal” funeral.

Quotes I enjoyed:

·         “… for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

·         “Whatever solace a funeral director can offer bereaved families comes less from grief counseling than from the ritual of a well-run funeral service…”

·         “Under his careful hand, the young girl now looks at rest. In her gentle repose is the “memory picture” he wants her family to leave with, the lasting illusion of a beautiful girl who has slipped away quietly, peacefully off to sleep.”

·         “The last line of defense against mother nature.”

Upon receiving this book I was skeptical regarding how I would feel about reading a book that is primarily about death. As I began reading I was immediately interested in the world that lives within death. Hearing about death from an author who has taken the time to thoroughly research it is inspirational because it shows the determination of others to uncover the truth behind this industrialized process that we call death.  

HW#46

Instead of focusing solely on the care of the dead I would like to look in deeper into the process of taking care of the body after death and how that has changed overtime. I am really keen on learning about this specific process because of a movie I recently saw that was titled After.Life; aside from the movie being a cheesy drama about a woman who is dead but thinks she’s alive, the more interesting character is the mortician who has undertaken the job of preparing her for her funeral and getting her through her own process of believing that she is dead and accepting it. The idea of the dead accepting their own death is rarely something you hear about because the focus is put mainly on the deceased’s family and their grieving process. A look at religion and how each religion views this would be interesting. The next most interesting topic to me about the care of the dead is how to “dispose” of the corpse. As far as I know there are two main options which are burial, and incineration (after which the ashes can be given to the family or taken to a location chosen by the deceased.

Þ    More about the psychology behind grieving

Þ    What happens when we die? ( based on diff. religions)

Þ    Costs to care for the dead